Chafing the Dream
More exclusive than the Porcelain Club at Harvard, more secretative than the Free Masons, more Elite than Seal Team 6 - the riders of Chafing the Dream know no bounds. But with great power comes great responsibility. For four years now, we have dedicated ourselves entirely to this ride. We have upheld the most stringent of exercise regiments, maintained the strictest of diets, and abstained from any and all intersexual relations - all for the cause (it was definitely by choice).
After 3 years of talk, we are very proud to announce that Christian Nonni will be participating in his first Ride to Conquer Cancer. If the legends are true, his body is sculpted with near perfect aerodynamics and he will lead the team to the fastest ride to date. Additionally, Nathaniel Williams and German National Captain Cedric Spothelfer have returned from a haitus spent training with Lance Armstrong's notorious trainer Michele Ferrari in Montreal. With that in mind, in leui of financial contributions this year we will also be accepting blood donations. Frequent EPO injections has left many teammates blood near the consistency of molasses, so if you are type O negative please contact us directly.
This year, we are sad to announce that some members have been called to other duties. Sophomore rider James "Never Work" Murray has been tasked with implementing a functional Democracy in Vietnam alongside founding CTD member Luke Stout. Rookie Quinn Thompson has set out to proselytize the world about tight-hip flexors and the significant pain that they can cause.
This is only possible through the generous support of people like you. We are hopeful that you will join us on our mission to eradicate this illness. Please take the time to support our efforts to conquer cancer. We promise the only regret that you'll have is that you didn't donate more.
Chafing the Dream